The Crack fanfic that was laced with LSD and Meth.
[4:27:56 AM] Cas Lemon Campbell the Nub: Summary: They had the sex then he was almost kind of with grim for a second but not really kind of a little YES! Well What happened waaas Like he was with phu but then she was like ima steal phillip and then phu moved from the bed with the sex and grim moved there and yeah.
By: Becca and Never
Becca finally lays down after two consecutive all nighters in a row. Her eyes close almost as soon as her head hits the pillow. She sighs in contentment as she cuddles deeper into her blankets intent on sleeping for the next week. She hears movement throughout her room but chalks it up to her mind playing tricks on her sleep deprived state and chooses to ignore it.
As the noises progressively get louder she grows nervous. The noise sounds familiar but she can’t give the noise a name. She jumps when she hears something fall to her floor and she turns to see Phillip grinning wickedly and staring down at her.
“Hello, Becca.” He says, his voice deep and raspy.
She blinks furiously and rubs at her eyes trying to make this illusion go away. Becca’s eyes widen in horror as her mind finally determines this isn’t a dream, and he’s really in her house. She gasps as he begins to moves to stand at the side of her bed.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Becca.” He grins.
Becca closes her eyes and turns her head away from him as he leans over her body. He gets closer and closer to her face, and she’s sure he’s finally end her. Instead, he whisper “Hey…” to get her attention. As Becca turns to look at him his face inches from yours he says “Brb.” and poofs into a cloud of smoke that has a strange and fruity scent.
Becca hears a muffled laughing from from her closet. She slowly makes her way closer to the doors and opens them to reveal Phillip playing WoW in the entrance of Narnia, while Mr. Tumnus prances in the fresh fallen snow. Sensing Becca’s presence, Mr. Tumnus stops suddenly and turns to face her. His mouth opens like he’s about to say something, but he hesitates before he says softly, but just loud enough for her to hear, “My name is Skittles, do you want to taste my rainbow?” and suddenly he’s gone.
Becca just stands there, unsure of what just happened. “Jesus crust. ” Phillip angrily mumbles, upset that he couldn’t say it first. Instead, he sighs and snaps his fingers. A spot spotlight aims behind Becca, where her bed is. Slowly turning around, Becca’s mouth drops open in shock. There, in nothing but lingerie, is Muggs, holding a sign that says “Look to your left” while striking a sexy pose.
Becca stared at Muggs, her mouth dropped open in confusion and shock. Lingerie was a normal everyday outfit for Muggs, it was just the fact he appeared so suddenly that had shocked her. She moved her mouth trying to form words but nothing came out. ”Uh, do I really want to look left?” She asks when she finally finds her voice. Muggs spins majestically and squats only to extend his leg to the left before he nods gracefully. Becca shakes her head before she finally looks left to see Mr. Tumnus in a thong, laying on his side, one arm propping his head up and the other angled so that his hand could rest on his hip. “Smile,” He whispers seductively, “It’s the second biggest thing you could do with your mouth.” He winks and bleats before he has a chance to hold it back.
If her eyes could get any wider, they would look like Kelso after finding a carrot factory. Becca stood there, her mouth opening and closing, looking like a spastic fish. Phillip sighed and strutted over, hand on his hip, and stood in front of her. “Oh my cheesus crust Becca, you can stare at mah man later. It’s time for better things.” Phillip said in a british valley girl accent. Muggs gasped in shock from the bed. Glaring at Phillip, he pointed the sign towards him angrily. “I thought I was your man! Who is dis hoe philli!?” Mr. Tumnus bleated angrily, and stood up a little too fast, making Becca look away from his lace wrapped package. He started bleating louder, and Muggs responded back by yodeling. Becca and Phillip simply sat on the floor, sharing popcorn and watching the scene unfold.
"Should we do something about this?" Becca asked Phillip quietly so she wouldn’t disturb the two that were currently in a heated discussion. "I don’t think we should, I suppose the best animal wins." He replied. "Who the fuck you callin an animal you miniature grape? I," Mr. Tumnus pressed a hand to his bare chest and cocked his hip before stamping his hoof, "AM A MOTHER FUCKIN FAWN." He clutches his scarf intent on ripping it off. "HOLD MAH SCARF, MUGGS." He bleats before tossing it behind him. "I got yo scarf baby, you kick his ass." Muggs cheers. Mr. Tumnus stops so he’s right in front of Phillip and Becca scrambles to get out if the wrath Phillip is about to endure. "BLUEBERRY MINIOS!" Mr. Tumnus yells as he continues to look down into Phillips eyes. "FETCH ME MY KILT" he waves a hand in the air as a wave of blue surrounds Mr. Tumnus for a brief second then disappears to reveal Mr. Tumnus is a fresh red and green plaid kilt.
"THE MUSIC MY LOVELIES" He announces. A blueberry band rushes out of Narnia and proceeds to play Scottish folklore music as Mr. Tumnus’ eyes widen progressively and he scowls down at Phillip as he begins to trot in place to the beat of the music, progressively becoming more aggressive in the tap dancing ritual he partakes in.
Mr. Tumnus continued to do his aggressive mating dance, quickly advancing on Becca and Phillip, z-snapping and twerking in circles. Becca whimpered and hid behind Phillip, her new meat-shield. Muggs was just chanting nope over and over, covering his ears with his fancy gloves. Just as Mr. Tumnus’s hoof was about to touch Phillip’s face, Becca walked back into the room, and time seemed to stop Phillip.
Not only did Phillip not question how she got out in the first place, he didn’t care. His eyes were solely glued to the plate holding his life. Phillip pushed Mr. Tumnus’s hoof out of his face and quickly walked over to Becca. “Where have you been all my life!?” Becca gave him a wtf look, but followed his line of sight. Directly down to her…..Toaster Strudel??? “How many times are you gonna cheat on me in my face hoe?!” Muggs screeched from the bed.
Becca threw the plate at Phillip, and he dove to catch his new strawberry filled wife. He glared at Becca and crawled into the corner, stroking his lovely. Becca rolled her eyes and walked past a frozen Mr. Tumnus over to Muggs. They shared a look that could only mean one thing. MAKEOVERS!!!! While they ran to the mirror to look totes presh obvi, Phillip had a staredown with Mr. Tumnus.
TO BE CONTINUED….